An interesting article from a lady living in an international marriage has prompted me thinking about her ideas and advice but I quickly realized that she is making false assumptions and leads us to wrong conclusions in general. So I will jot down my ideas here lest I forget them.
You see, her starting point seems to be that we need to discuss where to live and how to organize our life together if we are from different countries and cultures. On the surface, it seems like a really reasonable idea and then all the other things follow naturally: pick a safe country, make sure you get enough money to afford a good living standard, bla-bla-bla.
No. This is all wrong because it places us, men, squarely on the playing ground of women. Those are their values, their interests: comfort, safety, sufficient supplies to grow children and so on. All of those things do not matter if I come to ask the question that matters: I am a man and I have a purpose in life, would I sell my soul for more money, better climate or safer environment? Quite often, nowadays, men tend to answer “yes” to that question and in doing so they seize to be men proper and become surrogate women. And this is wrong.
A man, a proper grown up man, usually has ideas that are bigger than the minutiae of the current situation and living conditions. The man wants to conquer the world, create something monumental, change something grandiose in its momentum. The scale may be different depending on the man and his environment, but the ideas are always such that they surpass all this trivia of “where do we live and what will we eat tomorrow”.
Over the years, I myself have moved several times quite monumentally, changing countries and continents, disposing of everything I had collected and built. It was never to move where “the grass is greener” but always is to where my work and my interests take me. And I am sure that any man worth his salt will certainly want to do the same. Perhaps not all will act on it, but want they will.
So, the only thing I can tell to all of you girls out there who consider a marriage in general and an international marriage in particular: if you find a real man, your man will go wherever his passion takes him. You, sweet creations, will have to follow your men. Whether it is to the better or to the worse, you must be prepared to follow him and make the best out of whatever conditions you… --> continue reading →